Abandonment
by Sempai Sunny
Summary: When Vash tells Milly and Meryl to decide between their jobs and their lives, Meryl wishes she could have taken the less obvious option. Songfic. R


Legato: We're taking over the typical disclaimer/random chit-chat segment of Sunny's story today.

Wolfwood: Well, if _someone hadn't knocked her in the head with my cross, she wouldn't have the headache that is preventing her from reaching the people reading this._

Legato: It's _your cross!_

Wolfwood: What's _that supposed to mean?_

::Milly separates the squabbling Gung-Ho Guns--oops…didn't mean to mention that…_gomen__ nasai to everyone who didn't see episode 23::_

Milly: Sunny doesn't own Trigun, or Seein' Red by Unwritten Law. There are spoilers for the end of episode 15, and it takes between episodes 15 and 16. There was a two-week span in between, remember. 

**Abandonment**

            "It's time to decide!"

            I stared at him. "Huh?"

            "I'm sorry, but this is as far as we can travel together."

            "Why?" I demanded. What had gotten into Vash? I realized that he couldn't help what had happened between him and Dominique.

            "Because. It's become too dangerous."

            I stood my ground. "I'm afraid I have to go. We have no choice. We have a job to do!"

            "It's your job or your life. Which is more important to you?" he asked. I looked up at him and reached out. He shook his head. "I can't explain now. If I did, you'd be put in danger.

            "So, it's been a lot of fun, but, well, I guess that's all!" he said, his demeanor changing from serious to his normal goofball mode.

            "Stay back!" he yelled, as though he knew I had started to walk after him. Milly reached out and grabbed me by the wrist.

_*I'm seein' red_

_Don't think you'll_

_Have to see my face again*_

            "Fine," I thought. "If he never wants to see us again, he can have his way."

            "Senpai," Milly whispered. "What do we do now?

            I stared back at her, completely clueless about how to answer her question.

_*Don't have much time_

_For sympathy_

_Cause it never_

_Happened to me*_

            I didn't know what was going on with Vash just now, so I really couldn't understand his reasons. 

            "Milly, let's go back to the town," I whispered. I didn't want to spend any more time on this rock than I had to. I didn't want to spend any more time in the place where I last saw Vash the Stampede.

_*You're feeling blue now_

_I think you bit off_

_More than you could chew_

_And now it's time_

_To make a choice*_

            The hotel where we had checked in while Vash vanished up to Jenora Rock was just closing. Milly flashed the room key and we ran up to it. When we reached the room, I remembered something.

            "Milly, we got two rooms, right?"

            "Hai, senpai," she whispered, producing the other key from her pocket.

            "Well, we might as well make use of both of them!" I said grabbing the key and running to the room whose numbers matched the ones on the key.

            I didn't want Milly see me break down. Otherwise, I would have never thought to use both rooms. But I was afraid that I would fall apart. There was something about that man, than Vash the Stampede. Something about the way he made me feel, sometimes. And I didn't want anyone knowing about it.

_*And all I wanna hear_

_Is your…_

_So follow_

_The leader down_

_Swallow your pride_

_And drown*_

            I wanted to hear him bang on the door, demanding donuts or telling us some silly joke. Amazingly, my things were already in the other room. I guessed the man at the desk just assumed we would be using them.

            I picked up my typewriter. What was I supposed to be writing about now? How was I supposed to tell the chief that Vash the Stampede told us not to follow him, because it would endanger our lives?

            "'It's your job or your life? Which is more important to you?'"

            Vash, right now, my job is more important to me, I told the echo of his voice. _You're important to me._

_*When there's_

_No place left to go_

_Maybe that's when_

_You will know*_

            I knew I would have ended up coming to this room anyway. I always went to Vash's room, claiming I was there to "check up on him" or something to that effect. I actually just went because I wanted to see him.

            I tried extremely hard to hide from Milly the fact that I felt something for him, something stronger than I would have expected to feel for the Humanoid Typhoon.

            I don't know when I started feeling it, but it showed up at times, and I could never show it publicly. Like the time I tried to wish Vash luck in the quick draw contest; I couldn't say it. So, to compensate, I just acted like I couldn't stand him, detested this Vash the Stampede.

_*And foolish lies_

_Well, can't you see,_

_I try to compromise_

_'Cause what you say_

_Ain't__ always true_

_And I can see_

_The tears in your eyes*_

            I looked out the window at the moons, my eyes stinging. I really needed to go to sleep; so much had happened today.

            "Vash, where are you now?" I asked the silence of the night. The inky black sky looked heavy, as though the moons and stars were tacks or nails holding it in place.

            And I felt like crying.

_*And what you said now_

_Can't stop the words_

_From running through my head*_

             "Didn't you see anything that just happened...This is as far as we can travel together…It's too dangerous…Stay back!" 

            Everything he had said today was swirling around in my head. The millions of little things he'd ever said to Milly and me joined in, swirling around in one huge ocean of Vash.

            I stepped out in the hall, aiming to go outside. Maybe the fresh air would clear my head.

            As I passed the room where Milly was staying, I could hear her crying softly. "Bokushi-san," she whispered.

_*And what I'd do_

_To get through to you_

_But you'd only_

_Do it again*_

            Of course. Milly had a crush on the priest we'd met since the start. She was heartbroken when we parted ways, but was optimistic that we'd see him again. Perhaps we would.

            On the other hand, there was no hope of ever seeing Vash again in this lifetime, possibly ever.

            I wanted to go out and run all the way to him, but I know he'd yell at me again.

_*So follow_

_The leader down_

_Swallow your pride_

_And drown_

_When there's no place_

_Left to go_

_Maybe that's when_

_You will know*_

            I walked back to the room. Vash would never know how I felt about him now. I had planned on telling him one day, that I liked him at least a little. I wasn't sure if I'd say love; I didn't want to scare him. Besides, he loved Rem.

            I'd heard him mention her name a few times, and the way his face looked when he mentioned her, I could tell she was someone important to him.

            I took a piece of paper out of the typewriter case and put it in the processor. I started typing.

            Everything I was feeling flowed out onto the paper. The anger, the pain, the confusion, it was all there. I didn't know what to do with it when I had finished.

_*I confess_

_I don't know what to make_

_From all this mess*_

            I stared at the paper again, his face projected out onto it.

            "I hate you," I murmured, "for leaving me like this. This isn't fair, and you know it. I'm supposed to keep you under twenty-four hour surveillance. I can't believe you're doing this. Milly and I are going to lose our jobs. Don't you care about that? Don't you care about us? Me?"

            I couldn't believe myself. Had I just said that out loud?

_*Don't have much time_

_For sympathy_

_But it never happened to me_

_You're feeling down now_

_I don't know where I'll be_

_When you come around_

_And now it's time_

_To make a choice*_

            Quietly, I slid the paper back down so the keys would hit the top. "Dear Vash," I typed, then pulled it out.

            I signed my name at the bottom, my signature looking fragile next to the uniformity of the type.

            I knew I wouldn't send it. Instead, I folded it up and placed it under the typewriter.

            I just wanted to find him and cry. I wanted to hear him say my name one last time.

_*And all I wanna hear_

_Is your voice*_


End file.
